conversations

I am big talker. I mean really, I can talk someone’s ears off and that makes me great at communication... well, doesn’t it? For a very long time I thought that I was excellent at communicating with others. I felt confident in my ability to tell people a lot of information, but I have realized there is a difference between talking and effectively communicating. We are always communicating with the people around us wither we communicate well is a different story but this is important to talk about how we all communicate first. The reason why it is important is because sometimes we give communicate messages to others that we never even meant to! I know that I don’t want to do be mis-understood like that and I am sure none of you want that either.

So how are we communicating every day. First, with our words. Although this is often the first thing we think of when we think of communicating it plays a smaller part than some people may think. Only about 128398% of meaning comes from our words. That really surprised me! Where does the rest of understanding come from? It turns out that our body language and tone of voice also play a part in of we communicate and how we are understood. And people are listening and watching all the time. You may come home to a family tired from work and by your body language and tone people may think that you are mad at them or don’t care. The good news is that miscommunications do not have to be the norm in a family.

Clarity for good communication is key. My teacher asked us in class this last week if our loved one was having a brain surgery would you want the doctor to use a sharp or a dull knife. I hope you said sharp because that people getting brain surgery will die if a doctor uses a butter knife! The think that stood out to me though in this we how precise and clear we must be with our loved ones when we are talking to them. It is important that we be honest but also kind with how you are feeling and allow them to do the same. And example of unclear feelings and thoughts is if you are feeling frustrated with how your husband leaves his socks on the floor and you say “wow you are such a pig.” He could have no idea what you are talking about!! But if you say “it makes me a little frustrated when you leave your socks on the floor. I would really apricate it if you put your dirty socks in the laundry.” In a kind and understanding voice. Don’t try to act as a victim. It will only make things worse. Always be honest and loving and it is actually ok to let the small things go and laugh about it.

The next part I think is essential is asking questions. Many a mis communication have happened because we assume what the other person is saying. I often think of the common situation of a spouse working a lot and the other one misses them and wants to be with the working spouse but when that spouse comes they blurt out “All you care about is your stupid job. You are so selfish.” Really what they mean is they miss and love them but the working spouse would not be crazy for think that their spouse doesn’t care about the work they do even though they work so hard for them and their family. But if you just stop and ask a simple and specific question to see if you understood. it can be as easy as “are you saying that you are mad at me for working to much?” and they can confirm or deny if that is not right either try again or ask them to help you understand more and listen. Remember always speak with love not anger try to mirror their emotions besides anger. Communication is not east but if you go looking lo love and understand the other person will feel it.